Apr. 14th

[keptherwaiting]

Edward had likely heard Jasper coming before he'd even started to take the steps toward the room.

Alice; having said it loudly enough for the whole house -

"I think I left it in Edward's room."

And Jasper; her words from the other day proceeding him -

Maybe he should talk to him, at some point?

"I can't tell what will happen if you talk to him, but you might get something out of him."

- as he thinks that Alice sent him for a reason when she could have easily retrieved her notebook herself.

Regardless, Jasper knocks on the door frame to announce his arrival.

A quick clearing of his throat.

"Did Alice leave her notebook in here? She wants to pack it for our trip."

They’ll be leaving soon.

Comments

[keptherwaiting]

Jasper simply nods then to the words spoken aloud.

There is no ready answer, and he hadn't expected for Edward to have one for him, yet.

He knows all too well the tethers that exist, the names and the faces tied to need.

But, maybe, one day Edward will know. Even if it's just a quiet place to go to. Someone to listen. Someone to talk at him. A walk. A hunt. A project to busy his hands.

And Jasper can be there, if he wants.


A little more awkwardly now, "How're things with Bella?"

It's not small talk. He is curious to know. They haven't talked in awhile, just the two of them.

(And the rest of the house listening.)

[themidnightson]

Even for all that he can't wipe the mess newly sprung up around him entirely away, it shifts, becomes more like a puddle he's still standing in, even as everything around it changes. Becomes momentarily her face. The last laugh she gave when being dropped off after school. It's her smile, awkward, with just the edge of a frown as she leaned on her door and gave the little wave before vanishing inside. The so few hours seeming so long to her, too.

The peace of her nearby all day at school. The strain of having to wait now.
It's all there within the second, as his mind refocused only to her.

"Good." He does believe it, even as he says it, even as the pang of time bites a little harder in. "Today should be the last day Charlie isn't letting her have visitors." Officially. Official visitors, since the man wasn't in the slightest aware of Edward's presence there the rest of the night. "He's almost given in the last two nights, but it looks like he'll make the week."

He could have done so much for the motorcycle in his driveway.

(He could have done so much for her running away to Italy.)

[keptherwaiting]

Jasper's laugh is loud, boisterous. A guffaw at the unspoken remark that he is all happy to utter aloud: "Yeah, any official visitors."

And a smirk, and a wiggle of an eyebrow.

Not that Edward is sneaking over there at night for such reasons, but he hasn't had the chance to otherwise hassle his brother for those frequent midnight rendezvous.

"You doing any thing this weekend?"

When she's finally, officially free.

[themidnightson]

Edward half rolls his eyes and shakes his head, and hair every which way, but it makes something in his shoulder shake itself loose (each step away from the endless void of not knowing Jasper had cracked open). Somewhere between Jasper's laugh and his own ludicrous dismissal. The simplicity of the implication, like that was even a possibility available to him, no less something he was thinking of currently.

He strove toward something that attempted imperiously ignoring his brother's expression, even if this all started with Alice's underwear, but there's was an edge of his mouth twitching upward even as he pushed through,

"It's up to her, and whether Charlie relents back to guests, or actually decides to allow her out for something that isn't school or work."

Honestly, at this point, what wouldn't Edward give for more than the ten minutes tops to or from school, or her work, actually alone with Bella. That wasn't whispering as she fought off the sleep she needed, because it didn't count either, with Charlie so near and unknowing. Different entirely from everyone here, and always knowing, always hearing.

But to be able to take her somewhere again. Back out to the field, maybe. It was probably just starting to green up again out there. Another two-three weeks and the flowers would be back, too. He should have Alice tell him how that timetable was looking.

[keptherwaiting]

"But have you asked her out?"

Because kids these days. Really.

"Or you should ask Sheriff Swan first."

Oh, or: "Offer to make them dinner one night."

Jasper is just throwing crazy ideas out there now.

He's entirely unhelpful when it comes to having a human girlfriend who currently happens to be grounded.

[themidnightson]

Ask Chief Swan. Ask Chief Swan. There's a straight sort of expression for that, only the ghost of something that might have almost been a frown. Or maybe a wince. The man still, with all good reason, blamed him for what had happened to his daughter. Still wanted him all but nowhere near her.

Barely tolerated his presence save for Bella's emotional blackmail.
He still snapped awake all night, listening for his daughter's screams.



Still, the last thing Jasper says makes his brow quirk.

"Make them dinner?" There's a true wince there. A quick and deep disgust at the idea he'd have the eat the food the food he made them, but was stomaching refuse all that worse than anything he'd already done to himself? And if he could even begin to make ammends with her father?

For all the fast disgust, Edward's expression shift just as quick to actually considering the fact it was normal enough it might actually have traction. A way he could do something more, even without asking her father to break his rules. To play for more withing them. That hopefully Bella would enjoy.

[keptherwaiting]

Having to spend the night puking up the dinner would not be fun, no.

The disgust is echoed by Jasper just thinking about it. And then more so (tinged with amusement) when Edward actually considers it?

Well. That's love.

"Maybe offer to go fishing with him instead?"

Whatever he decides, "Better to try and get along with your mate's family than not, right?"

Which he speaks to some experience, having to adjust when Alice and him first joined the Cullen family.

[themidnightson]

He can't help himself. Even as part of him considers it seriously, how to make things better, the other side of his nature can't help but point out the bigger problem he's building thereby it, too.

"Right before we take her away from him forever in two months?"


The we is still so much more prevalent in that thought. Joint decision. Family vote. Jasper was part of that, and given the balance now everyone is by default. He still wants to fight her for every day, week, yes he can. But she's stubborn.

If Charlie Swan thought he was distraught waking to his daughter screaming every night for all those months, how much would two months mean, before he was mourning 'her loss' instead? With no body to bury, or one that was damaged beyond the ability for even dental work and morgue viewing.

Edward was bad at letting himself forget for long. All the exits were blocked.

[keptherwaiting]

Edward already knows all of Jasper's reasons for voting the way he did. It seems silly to list them all again for his brother.

Yet, the reasons are there, he can't block them out as he can't block out any of his thoughts from Edward. Background noise as he answers simply, "Yes.

"Don't you think it'd be better that she has those two months with you and him on good terms than not?

"Not all of us got a chance to say goodbye."

[themidnightson]

Not all is nearly no one. It's microscopic.

As rare as being chosen like Carlisle chose to save them, to keep them,
to adopt and make extended family of others like them.

It was less rare to be changed like those Jasper's history entailed, created as fodder for a violent wheel of war, or like the Volturi, sourcing what they wanted in power over the will of another, or as mistakes of a frenzy that left behind vampires who woke alone, to terrorize in the wake of sudden bloodlust and a terror at their new self.

She could avoid all of that altogether. She stubbornly refuses to.
(She's stubbornly refusing him, too. But not them.)

"Maybe."

He knows Jasper's not wrong, and he might still consider the dinner thing, but it's all complicated again in his head. Charlie's anger. Charlie's forthcoming grief. Alice's promise to Aro. Bella's opposing demands and refusals. The family's acceptance. His own, still too clear, threadbare acknowledgment he can't live without her now. The potential of the family falling apart, again, if that ever happened.

He doesn't even hold it against Jasper -- even when he half wishes he could; had for that one night, when it felt like they were all against him; but Jasper is his brother, too; and Edward doesn't want anything that would tear him and all his years of work apart either -- that Jasper's reason for saying yes was that he actually cares so much he doesn't want to want to kill Bella, for both himself and her, and for all the domino reasons involved there from Edward to Alice to the whole family.

It was just so complicated now.


(Or was it, that it just wasn't, too?

That the longer he had to accept it was decided beyond him,
the more he clutched the notion of never losing her.
Himself. All of them. Ever. Too.)

[keptherwaiting]

It is complicated, and isn’t.

Jasper wishes he could offer his brother all the assurances in the world that everything was going to be okay. But, he can’t.

Wouldn’t even if he could because it’d be a lie. He doesn’t know.

He’d thought a few months ago Alice and he were fine. Things happen. But, maybe, hopefully, things come out for the better on the other side of it.

Alice is the one who taught him all about hope, and looking for it when things are dark, complicated, messy.

He can say, “She loves you. She wants this with you. You don’t need me to tell you that. Maybe just remember that, every now and then? Focus on it and just be with her, and her family.”

A pause, then a roll of the eyes.

“I know, easier said than done.”

[themidnightson]

That is a hard one to put into words, but it fills up everything he is even as Jasper thinks and says the words. She loves you. Muddled relief. Undeserving guilt. Impossibly blessed by that impossible miracle. After what he'd done to her. Grateful, even humbled, swearing forever to never hurt her again, never leave again unless at her own choice, barely began to touch all those feelings that.

He doesn't think he can put any of that into erudite words.
All those languages, and language degrees, are nothing now.


Instead, Edward nods. A slow, thoughtful thing. "I'll try."

It'd probably be easier on Bella, making all her last with her father easier.

[keptherwaiting]

“You’ll figure it out.”

He could be speaking to the words that elude Edward for all that he’s feeling, the near-future plans with the Swans, or the relationships involved there, moving on or moving forward from everything, and he speaks to Bella too, and her feelings, the girl also as scattered as the rest of them.

They’ll all figure it out, eventually.