Apr. 14th

[keptherwaiting]

Edward had likely heard Jasper coming before he'd even started to take the steps toward the room.

Alice; having said it loudly enough for the whole house -

"I think I left it in Edward's room."

And Jasper; her words from the other day proceeding him -

Maybe he should talk to him, at some point?

"I can't tell what will happen if you talk to him, but you might get something out of him."

- as he thinks that Alice sent him for a reason when she could have easily retrieved her notebook herself.

Regardless, Jasper knocks on the door frame to announce his arrival.

A quick clearing of his throat.

"Did Alice leave her notebook in here? She wants to pack it for our trip."

They’ll be leaving soon.

Comments

[themidnightson]

Not all is nearly no one. It's microscopic.

As rare as being chosen like Carlisle chose to save them, to keep them,
to adopt and make extended family of others like them.

It was less rare to be changed like those Jasper's history entailed, created as fodder for a violent wheel of war, or like the Volturi, sourcing what they wanted in power over the will of another, or as mistakes of a frenzy that left behind vampires who woke alone, to terrorize in the wake of sudden bloodlust and a terror at their new self.

She could avoid all of that altogether. She stubbornly refuses to.
(She's stubbornly refusing him, too. But not them.)

"Maybe."

He knows Jasper's not wrong, and he might still consider the dinner thing, but it's all complicated again in his head. Charlie's anger. Charlie's forthcoming grief. Alice's promise to Aro. Bella's opposing demands and refusals. The family's acceptance. His own, still too clear, threadbare acknowledgment he can't live without her now. The potential of the family falling apart, again, if that ever happened.

He doesn't even hold it against Jasper -- even when he half wishes he could; had for that one night, when it felt like they were all against him; but Jasper is his brother, too; and Edward doesn't want anything that would tear him and all his years of work apart either -- that Jasper's reason for saying yes was that he actually cares so much he doesn't want to want to kill Bella, for both himself and her, and for all the domino reasons involved there from Edward to Alice to the whole family.

It was just so complicated now.


(Or was it, that it just wasn't, too?

That the longer he had to accept it was decided beyond him,
the more he clutched the notion of never losing her.
Himself. All of them. Ever. Too.)

[keptherwaiting]

It is complicated, and isn’t.

Jasper wishes he could offer his brother all the assurances in the world that everything was going to be okay. But, he can’t.

Wouldn’t even if he could because it’d be a lie. He doesn’t know.

He’d thought a few months ago Alice and he were fine. Things happen. But, maybe, hopefully, things come out for the better on the other side of it.

Alice is the one who taught him all about hope, and looking for it when things are dark, complicated, messy.

He can say, “She loves you. She wants this with you. You don’t need me to tell you that. Maybe just remember that, every now and then? Focus on it and just be with her, and her family.”

A pause, then a roll of the eyes.

“I know, easier said than done.”

[themidnightson]

That is a hard one to put into words, but it fills up everything he is even as Jasper thinks and says the words. She loves you. Muddled relief. Undeserving guilt. Impossibly blessed by that impossible miracle. After what he'd done to her. Grateful, even humbled, swearing forever to never hurt her again, never leave again unless at her own choice, barely began to touch all those feelings that.

He doesn't think he can put any of that into erudite words.
All those languages, and language degrees, are nothing now.


Instead, Edward nods. A slow, thoughtful thing. "I'll try."

It'd probably be easier on Bella, making all her last with her father easier.

[keptherwaiting]

“You’ll figure it out.”

He could be speaking to the words that elude Edward for all that he’s feeling, the near-future plans with the Swans, or the relationships involved there, moving on or moving forward from everything, and he speaks to Bella too, and her feelings, the girl also as scattered as the rest of them.

They’ll all figure it out, eventually.